100 Things – Parteth Unoeth

I am such a bandwagon fan. I seem incapable of coming up with my OWN cool blog things, so I just copy everyone else.

But here it goes, I’m going to write 100 things about me so you, the internet, can love me as much as I loove me-self. I might have to split it up 50/50 but we’ll see how far I get!

100. I was born in Denver, Colorado and lived in a teeeeny tiny town called Erie until I was 6 years old.

99. I was in LOVE with John Elway when I was a small girl. I was determined to marry him.

98. Once I got over Elway, I wanted to marry Billy Joel. Apparently ugly older men really did it for me as a child!

97. After my parents divorce, we moved 5 times in 6 years. Luckily, most of the moves were in the same zip code, but I got really, really good at packing up and moving my stuff!

96. I skipped sixth grade, causing me to go from elementary school straight to Junior High. And I was NEEEERRRDDDYYY looking, and obviously a nerd in general, so it’s an understatement for me to say that it was an awkward year for me.

95. In high school I told my three best friends that I couldn’t be friends with them for a while because I felt I was being mistreated. When I finally started making other friends and gained some confidence I told them to hit the road.

96. About three months later those girls and I kissed and made up, and two of them became, and continue to be, just about the best friends and most incredible women a girl could ask to be associated with. But BONUS, the “new friends” joined up with the “old friends” and we created a bigger, better group of “super friends!”

97. I was baptized Catholic as a baby, for my father.

98. I was baptized Mormon at 8 years old, for myself. (My mom wasn’t too upset about it either!)

97. I swore that after I graduated from high school I would move out of Utah County for college . . . specifically that I would never go to BYU or UVSC.

96. I attended both BYU and UVSC. By choice.

95. I once discovered the passcode to my then-boyfriend’s cell phone and I’d call and listen to his messages all the time. Bad idea? Probably, but this is also how I discovered he was not only cheating on me, but planning to marry the damn girl!

94. I got back together with the above idiot boyfriend. And continued to date him on and off for TWO YEARS. Stupid much???

93. I met my husband while I was still seeing the above mentioned idiot.

92. I was once dumped by a guy I didn’t know I was dating. Over the phone.

91. Once, after one date, a guy threatened to commit suicide if I didn’t come see him.

90. Once, I told a guy I hardly knew to go ahead and kill himself for all I cared.

89. Once, that guy who threatened to commit suicide was just looking for attention.

88. I was stalked by a US Marine. After one date. And no kiss.

87. I know the name and date of every “first kiss” I ever had.

88. My husband was lucky kiss #50.

87. I was once referred to as a “mormon slut.” While I don’t ALL the way agree with that statement, it might be a little bit true.

86. My Mom taught me to ski as soon as I could walk, so I don’t remember learning how.

85. Despite skiing since I was tiny, I have never skied a black diamond.

84. #85 makes me a huge pansie.

83. Except for when I was very small, I have never intentionally ingested an alcoholic beverage.

82. I LOVE Christmas. Love, love, love it.

81. I hate the date of my birthday . . . New Year’s Eve. Call me selfish, but your birthday sucks when everyone in the world is celebrating but it’s not for you.

80. Until I was five, I thought everyone in the world WAS celebrating for my birthday. (Thanks a LOT, Mom!)

79. I LOVE Disneyland. I love it so much I’m afraid to go to Disneyworld for fear that Disneyland won’t seem as cool. And I can’t DRIVE to Disneyworld, and that is a problem if I start to love it more than Disneyland.

78. I think I have a deviated septum or something. If I or someone else squeezes my nose or something, I have to physically separate the nostril so I can breathe out of that side again.

76. I was a Music Dance Theatre Major in college. This becomes funny because I don’t really dance, and I never passed my end of the semester dance tests. The singing and the acting saved my tuckus.

75. I was asked to Prom by one of the weirdest guys in high school . . . in front of 100 people. And I said no.

74. No one else asked me to Prom that year so I asked someone and paid for it myself.

73. I crashed another school’s Senior Ball with a guy who had already graduated from that school — and I was a junior at the time. We had NO business being there but we had SO much fun. The guy was one of my good friend’s boyfriends. We were just friends but I’m pretty sure we pissed her off anyway. Oops!

72. I LOVE to cook and I dream of a gourmet kitchen . . . and no job so I can work out, then cook. ALLL DAY LONG.

71. Despite the cultural pressure to have children, I am just not feeling like it’s time to have little mini-Murphs yet. The day will come and we will have kids, just not yet.

70. I have a job in Marketing. See #76 for why this is amusing.

69. I love cheddar cheese on graham crackers. Call me crazy, but try it before you judge me.

68. I grew so sick of thrift stores and their smell and searching through racks of nasty clothes as a kid, that I plan to never shop at one again. I know there are amazing deals there and I judge no one who shops there. I just associate unhappy memories with them and I don’t want to go back.

67. While I was on Accutane in college, I unknowingly got a bloody nose while making out with my boyfriend. I didn’t realize it for about ten minutes. Holy crap, right?!?!?

66. I was once dumped for the way I ate CHEETOS.

65. I caught a guy I was dating having sex with some random girl. His response? “She was here first.”

64. A friend of mine once told a guy I was seeing that I was dating other people and he dumped me. I didn’t know we were exclusive, so needless to say, this was the second time I got dumped by a guy I didn’t know I was dating.

63. The mother of my high school boyfriend hated me so much that I wasn’t allowed in their house and he had to go on a date with someone else “every other date.”

62. One night when I was pretty much asleep I made out with my best friend’s boyfriend. I woke up very shocked.

61. My best friend and I obviously had some “issues” for a while, but we are now closer than ever. Thank heavens for time healing all wounds.

60. My brother is a veteran of the War in Iraq and I don’t think he’ll ever know how much I respect him for his service.

59. My other brother is a recovering heroine addict and I don’t think he’ll ever know how proud I am for asking for help and for how much he’s accomplished in two years.

58. I have watched my sister dig herself out of some very bad situations and I don’t think she’ll ever know how proud I am of her for the decisions she’s made in her life and where she is now.

57. I suck at giving the “silent treatment.” I just don’t think I’m capable of not talking.

56. I am VERY hard to severely piss off. . . but watch out if you do it. I have a suppressed Irish temper.

55. I was destined to marry a “Matt.” Most of my serious boyfriends were named Matt. My friend and I used to say I should tatoo the name Matt on my butt, we were that sure I’d marry one. We said the same thing about her and the name “Brian.” She married a Brian and I, obviously, married a Matt.

54. If I could, I’d eat mashed potatoes with melted cheese for breakfast every day.

53. I had dark, dark brown hair when I met my husband. He had no idea I was blonde for about a month after we started dating . . . and that was when he saw a picture of me and asked “who is that? Do you have a sister I haven’t met?”

52. Because of my touchy-feely relationship with my girlfriends, we are often asked if we are lesbians. Nothing against lesbians . . . we just aren’t and it’s funny that so many people ask.

51. I got hit on twice, six months apart, by the same guy . . . the funniest part? I was wearing the exact same outfit and hairstyle (two braids) both times. He was very surprised the second time when I said “Nik, right? Yeah you asked for my phone number before and never called me.”

50. I have man knees. I will never have sexy girl legs because I have thick, mannish knees.

Ok that’s all I have for today. I promise to post more later.

I also promise, Stacy, that I will post horrible, ugly dance pictues from high school.

Hold your breath peeps! It’s gonna be excitin’!

The first "Mattastrophe" in history!

My husband is a sweet, calm, careful human being. He very rarely makes mistakes, very rarely makes an accidental mess . . . pretty much the opposite of ME.

Last night, however, we had ourselves an accident ala Matt.

The blinds in our dining room were misbehaving. One side went down just fine, but the other just stayed up. It was totally stuck. So we were both checking it out, trying hard to figure out what the crap was wrong and praying we didn’t have to go find new blinds for our money pit house that we’re putting on the market soon anyway.

Nothing was happening . . . we were frustrated and figuring we needed to buy new blinds. I told Matt we should just give up, the stupid blinds were stupid broken. Stupid. Yeah.

Then . . . it happened. Matt tried to fix the blinds one more time. And down they crashed hitting not one, but BOTH of us. I got hit in the head, Matt got hit in the mouth.

I was in that . . . shocked, surprised and scared mode . . . and I just sort of started to cry.

Matt was bleeding in two places . . . on the outside of his mouth AND on the inside.

It was traumatizing for a few minutes, then it was just funny. Today it’s just funnier, although Matt may still not think so!

There is also a silver lining on our cloud because, while the blinds were on the ground, we were able to see into the guts of the stupid things and fix them! NOw we just have to NOT TOUCH THEM EVER AGAIN.

**Random sidenote that has NOTHING to do with this post. HOW IN THE CRAP IS SANJAYA NOT IN THE BOTTOM THREE OF AMERICAN IDOL? This is just makin’ me angry. Stupid.

The Neverending Stooorrryyyy la la laaaaa la la laaaa la la laaaa

Weight gain and loss . . . the neverending stories of my LIFE.

Back in high school, lets just say I was chubby and still had quite a bit of baby fat on me. At about sixteen I all of a sudden started to slim out a bit . . . then I hit college where I was dancing about four hours a day, going to the gym about three times a week and had boundless energy and a kick-arse metabolism. I got even skinnier.

Then I got dumped by the guy I thought was the man of my dreams *pause for HYSTERICAL laughter* and I got even SKINNIER.

Then I graduated from college and got a little lazier, but still went to the gym, and I sort of evened out to about right . . . still pretty toned, still skinny and hot, but not TOO skinny. But I had to watch what I ate, big time. I am no longer blessed with a kick-ace metabolism, nor am I blessed with anything resembling “skinny genes.”

Then I got married. and OH. MY. GOSH. did the pounds pack on. Oddly enough though, it wasn’t being ON birth control that added the weight. I can trace my weight gain to about the DAY I decided to QUIT birth control due to the raging psychotic I became while on it.

Now I’m not fat and I know it, but I am uncomfortable in my own skin, and I HATE that. I walk around wondering if the people behind me are commenting on the hilarious way my butt cheeks bounce up and down when I walk . . . or laugh about the muffin tops that have magically appeared. I’m self concious ALL THE TIME. And those of you who know me well know that I am not a self concious person. Never ever have been.

So, after many mental and emotional breakdowns over the size of jeans I am forced to buy to fit my sausage thighs into . . . the healthy eating has begun again. But this time I HAVE to stick to it. For the sanity of myself and everyone around me.

So here’s what I’m asking dear internet . . . all five of you who read me. I need healthy recipes. I need healthy “fast food” suggestions . . . I need weight loss tips. I need it all. Because I need to be able to shop at the stores I’ve shopped at for my whole life again. I need to NOT hear the words “ooh sorry, that’s the biggest size we carry and management is even doing away with THAT size soon.”

I want to walk into the Limited in six months, put on a pair of pants that fit in a size they DO still carry, then throw them on the floor, jump up and down on them and give them the finger.

Flashback . .. whatever day it is.

Ahhh, here we (we being Sheila, Heather and I) are, circa 1999, AKA year of the HIGH PANTS, bad bangs and RHINESTONE CLIPS IN MY HAIR? What. Was. I. Thinking.

The other girls look FAB.

Me? Not so much.

My thighs and The Limited can go to hell

That is all I have to say about that.

My Manly Man

Kate and Matt are lying in bed late one night. Kate is trying to sleep. Matt is deep in thought.

Matt: (determined)

I want to be a Spartan

Kate: (sleepily)

uh . . . ok?

Matt: (even more determined)

Seriously, what if the world came to that again? You know, if we had to fight for our land?
*thoughtful pause*
I’d totally get my ass kicked!
*another thoughtful pause*
That’s it. I’m quitting my job and training to be a Spartan.

Flashback Copycat

Well if we’re ALL DOING IT I might as well do it too.

Because apparently, judging by our hideous outfits, if one of us would have jumped off a bridge, we all would have followed.

Wow! That stuff really works!

Howdy Neighbor! I’m a Psycho!

I’m so gonna be famous. The Arrowhead Independent, a small –er, tiny — local newspaper found out about my starring role (hahah) in the musical “Suds” and they are running a “Meet Your Neighbor” feature about ME! So they emailed me a bunch of questions to answer and asked for a picture.

I would normally be my normal, sarcastic self in answering the questions, but the audience is full of old people snowbirds, so I have to be careful. So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna post the answers I would LOVE to give here on this here blog, for your enjoyment. Then I will answer the newspaper with a toned down version.

QUESTIONS FOR Q&A “MEET YOUR NEIGHBOR” PROFILE

Name: Kathryn Anne Cotter Murphy
Age (optional): 24 (hehehehe)
Town/Neighborhood: BFE North Phoenix
What I like most about living here: Well, it’s Phoenix . . . so, um . . . lemme think . . . um . . . my husband is here? And my job? er . . . um . . . and Rhonda? I guess those work.
Changes I’d like to see in this area: Please for the LOVE someone figure out how to make the summers LESS HOT! It’s just MARCH and I’m DYING here.
What I’m excited about & why: I’m excited about lots of things. My next meal . . . my trip to Vegas on Thursday to see my GIRLIES! My play being over, my new house that is NOT in the Arrowhead area, the meal after the next meal, having Friday off of work . . . I could go on and on.
Favorite community cause & why: Finding a way to get rid of the snow birds in Phoenix. ALL OF THEM and their crappy driving too!
When & why I moved here: My husband is an indecisive person who couldn’t decide if he loved me or not so I moved my butt to Phoenix in the MIDDLE of the GOSH DARN BLAZING HOT SUMMER MONTH OF AUGUST to force him to love me and marry me. Don’t I sound swell?
Where I lived before & why I left: Happy Valley (aka Provo) Utah. I left for reasons noted above. And I still haven’t forgiven him for it.
My family: Crazy doesn’t really cover it. I have THIRTEEEEEEN step-siblings, four of whom I’ve never even met. I don’t even know their NAMES for gosh sakes. My mother is Mormon, my father is Catholic . . . you can imagine the religious and cultural debacle THAT is. I have two brothers, both GIANTS (6′2″ and 6′3″ and built like walls) and a teeny tiny sister (5′3″) who are all awesome, but we look as though we all came from different parents. I am as Irish looking as they come, Sean looks Mexican, Meagan looks German and Patrick just looks like a GIANT leprechaun. Seriously it’s so weird. No one believes we’re related. I have an aunt who left her husband for a woman, an uncle who had multiple wives spread out around the country (no he is not Mormon.) and yet another aunt who is a NUN in Brazil. Does this give you any idea of the insanity that is my family?
What I do: I flail about most days trying to babysit two teenagers who run a company, pretend to know something about Marketing and answering random questions from random people all day long. Oh and turn off the DAMN.BEEPING.PRINTER that lives RIGHT.OUTSIDE.MY.CUBE.
What I like most about what I do: Does blogging count?
Previous occupations & why I left: Cheap shoe salesperson, Car salesperson, Construction Office Manager (do I really need to explain why I left any of these jobs?)
If I had picked a different occupation, it might have been: Space Cowboy! Wait . . . no. That wasn’t me . . .
My interests and hobbies: Professional TV watcher, professional eater, professional IMer, professional emailer . . . oh and singing in the car.
The best and/or worst time in my life: Best? Anytime I’m hanging out with my girlies or my husband just doing nothing. Worst time? DATING. ALL OF IT.
My best/worst habits: Like how this question is worded? Best habits? Um . . . I’m really good at checking my blog during the day, I’ve made a habit of that. I also have a good habit of eating junk food when hungry. I’m really amazingly good at gaining weight. I have a bad habit of . . . gaining weight, eating junk food when hungry, checking my blog ALL.DAY.LONG . . .
The trait(s) I admire in others: I really like a person who is good at complimenting me, telling me how hot and amazing I am. I also like people who don’t require compliments back.
People who inspired me (and how): I was always inspired by really flexible people, people who can do weird human tricks, and those Japanese hot dog eaters.
My guiding philosophy: Go to where the good food is.
My advice to today’s youths: Today’s YOUTHS? Seriously? I need a job at this paper. Um, ok . . . advice . . . Kids, milk your parents for all you can while you still live at home. Someday you have to buy your own groceries. And it sucks.

Overwhelmed

So I’m training the THIRD replacement in six months for my old job. Several things have occured to me.

A) I have SO MUCH random information stored in my brain about the men I worked for that I’m surprised I can still converse like a normal human being. Well, normal, depending on how you view it.

B) I am easily annoyed and frustrated.

C) The entire world needs to learn how to use instant messenger. This gal is FABULOUS but she’s really resisting using the thing, and our company relies on it almost completely. If I get one more phone call from her, I’m going to poke my eyes out.

D) If I am ever going to fully get away from my old job I’m going to have to work for a new company, and I don’t really want to work for a new company.

E) I like chocolate.