Little More Junk in My Trunk

I have a post-it pad that has the following quote on it:

“I thought I worked my butt off, but it followed me home”

I have this as the quote on my MSN Messenger as well.

This morning I got an IM from an old co-worker about it. The conversation went a little bit like this:

OC: “Bummer about your butt”
Me: “Yeah I know, I used to be so hot.”
OC: “I know, crying shame.”
Me: “Now I’m all married and stuff, with a big butt.”
Me: “Wait, I take it back. I’m still hot . . . I just have a little more junk in my trunk. Kinda like J-Lo, but whiter. Much whiter”
OC: “Oh, like that. Yeah, you’re still hot then”

Mind you this guy is happily married, with a baby on the way. We were just buds like that. We always told each other how good the other looked on a particular day. He’s like my gay friends . . . only . . .not . . . gay. Right.

So in case any of you were wondering (who haven’t seen me in a while) I am still hot . . . but instead of being hot like, say . . . Ginger Spice (was she even hot? I donno) . . . now I’m hot like a white J-lo.

Sweeeeeeeet.

Christmas Presents . . . For Me!

Have you ever notice that when you’ve been given money or an allowance to go shopping, you can NEVER find anything you want? But, in contrast, when you have SERIOUS shopping to do for anyone else, all you find ALL kinds of stuff for you and NOTHING for anyone else?

Welcome to my day.

My bestest friend Sheila and I decided to go to the mall to do some shopping. Now I did have to find something for myself at Bebe, since I was recently given a $150 gift certificate to that fabulous store, and I have a company Holiday party coming up (not Christmas Party, HOLIDAY party. We are veeeeery particular at Vcommerce.) But I was really hoping to start the Christmas shopping I haven’t begun yet. I have found a really cool gift for some of the creative ladies on my list, but that’s pretty much it.

I bought myself one of these as well as this lovely number

oh and pretty much everything at Forever 21

What did I get for everyone else you ask? Uhhhhh . . . the joy of seeing me looking HOT? Excellent.

Kate: 1
Everyone Else: 0

Let the Gluttony Begin!

With my newly found life of fitness, I can only look on the coming days of feasting with a slight twinge of regret. So, without further adieu (hahah, I am so funny. Without further goodbye . . . hahahahaha.), I begin my Thanksgiving mea culpa (no, don’t go look it up, it means “admission of guilt.” And don’t think I’m that smart. I used the thesaurus to look up another word for “apology” since I wanted to sound clever and funny. All of which I probably did until I admitted all of this. OK. stopping. now.)

Ahem

Ryan, leader of my Booty Camp, I apologize in advance for the blatant slap in the face to your diet and nutrition goals for me. (I’ll refer to Thanksgiving as my Boot Camp Sin of Commission because that’s SO what it is) .

Body, I apologize to you in advance as well. Prepare for the stomach to be stretched to capacity, for the ingestion of a 12,000 calorie meal (ok fine you caught me, I’m exaggerating again. The average Thanksgiving meal is only 3000 calories and 229 grams of fat, but STILL!) and the gluttonous regret afterward as I lay on the couch, unable to move for fear of what will happen to me if I do. I also apologize for round two, in which I will put you through all of that torture again. And maybe for round three, depending on how hungry everyone else is and how much food is left over.

New pants, I apologize to you to, as I’m sure you will no longer fit after Shirley’s cooking helps add at least five pounds back on to my newly shrunken bottom. We had a good two week run, didn’t we? I promise to find you again someday. Hopefully you’re not horribly out of style by then.

New bathing suit for Mexico, I feel especially bad for you, as you may never see the glistening waters of the Pacific Ocean or the gloriousness of the infinity edge pool at our rented villa, since I may just be wearing a wetsuit to try and suck in the holiday LBs.

Fat pants, you’re the only ones I feel I can say that I don’t have to apologize to, as you will be once again welcomed back into the rotation to clothe your voracious owner. I can’t say I’m happy about it, but I bet you are.

Mashed potatoes made from cream cheese, real butter and cream . . . come to Mommy. I’ve been waiting for you all year.

The RFP of Death

What’s six inches thick, has seven billion questions, is ridiculously unorganized, is basically red tape and nearly impossible?

The RFP I’ve been working on for the last few weeks. (Request for Proposal is what that stands for . . . I had no idea until a few months ago when I was assigned my first one) This is apparently part of my new job, which is actually cool because I’m learning a lot of the nitty-gritty technical details of what our company actually does . . . and we are actually pretty cool! It’s amazing some of the stuff these techies can do!!

This has been consuming almost every moment of my work life and every moment of my life after work. I haven’t had to work overtime in a long time, so I don’t actually mind.

I did find time to do something fun today though . . . I got a microderm abraison facial. It hurt quite a bit but it’s SO NICE to get all the built up dead skin off my face. A fabulous new girl moved into my ward . . . Her name is JoAnn. She and her husband James own a ton of laser skin centers all over the valley and they do facials, botox, lip injections, laser hair removal and all kinds of stuff. JoAnn is six months pregnant with a little girl (Alley Grace, what a cute name right?), and she has decided to set up a studio in her house and hardly charges anything for the stuff she does.

On top of all the cool benefits, they are the COOLEST couple. He has four wheelers and some really fun cars and boy toys as well as lots of things in common with Matt, and she and I have a ton in common and already feel like we’ve known each other forever. We have decided that we’re going on a double date next week after Thanksgiving. We’re so excited! We’re also planning a camping trip for sometime in the near future, if we cna find a place where it’s not too cold.

So now I have fresh, clean skin . . . freshly waxed fabulous eyebrows, and finally Matt and I have a couple here we can go on double dates with.

Today was busy, but it was a good day. I like good days.

Boooooooooring Blah Blah Blah

Today was Sunday . . . the day of rest . . . and I was bored. Apparently I don’t do so well at the whole “resting” thing.

I slept in later than usual this morning and missed Sacrament meeting, which I feel bad about but I was SOOOO tired this morning — this whole week actually. I just wanted to sleep and sleep. Until I woke up that is . . . er, yeah. What that means is that I couldn’t take a nap once I was awake. Right. MOVING ON.

I am SO EXCITED that Thanksgiving is this week. I get to see all of my siblings AND my Momma AND my Grandma and Grandpa this week. It’s like the best week EVER! I love it when all my siblings are together for a holiday. We have so much fun. We laugh and sing and dance and make fun of each other and it makes me realize how much I love my family. Matt, I’m sure, will stand by and roll his eyes, but he’ll love it too and maybe I’ll even get him to dance! There will be pounds and pounds of delicious Lynsky food consumed and I’ll get to see Sheila and Andrew and their new house and the babies and some of my aunts and uncles and . . . oh it’s going to be SO GREAT!

THEN, THE CHRISTMAS SEASON BEGINS! Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Christmas. I am so excited to get a tree and decorate and make cookies and, and and . . . I should stop now before I get going to fast and furious to stop. I’m like the energizer bunny . . . the CHRISTMAS energizer bunny!

Oh, before I go, congratulations to my old friend Bryan Gibson. He found out on Friday that he passed the Bar Exam in California and then early Saturday morning his wife Melanie gave birth to their second little girl, Gracie.

OK, I’d better go to bed. Booty Camp starts promptly at 6 AM!

THE Ohio State University

In case you live in a cave and hadn’t heard, Ohio State beat Michigan. It was touch and go there for a while, but they pulled through and conquered.

On they go to the national championship game (and it’s rumored there might be a REMATCH OF THE RIVALS?!?!?!) held in Glendale, Arizona (aka the town I LIVE IN. Which I won’t be here for . . . *sob, sniffle, sob, cry*

I guess I’ll have to console myself with a week on the beach in Mexico!

Ann Arbor is a Whore

I saw that sentence on a T-shirt last year at the Fiesta Bowl (Ohio State vs. Notre Dame) and I decided it was my favorite T-shirt ever, being that I was born of two Columbus Ohio natives, who were also born of Ohio natives . . . in fact the the chunky buckeyes running through my veins go back THREE generations, so yes, my family believes that Ann Arbor is a whore. (I also saw a hilarious T-shirt last year that said Muck Fichigan, but I decided it might be a wee bit inappropriate for the title of my blog. I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned it — but I sort of had to. We really do hate Michigan about that much!)

This year the rivalry game is probably going to be the BEST ONE EVER. Ohio State is ranked, in all three college polls, NUMERO UNO and Michigan is ranked NUMERO DOS. This is basically the national championship game, but the BCS is too stupid to fix the system . . . so whoever wins this game will play in the national championship game — WHICH is being held here in Arizona. But, as fortune would have it, I cannot go. We will be in Puerto Vallerta. Worst year to not be here for the BCS game!! Oh well . . . another year perhaps.

Anyway, all that’s not really important . . . what IS important is that we all wear RED tomorow and root the mighty Buckeyes on to victory!!

O-H

I-O

Those found rooting for Michigan will be flogged mercilessly with a wet noodle.

Just for Kicks and Giggles

In an attempt to say SOMETHING funny today, I am going to post a quote written by a friend of mine. I spit Diet Coke when I read it. (I spit Diet Coke a lot . . .hmmm, future post idea. Excellent.)

“I suppose a friendship between a man and woman is like a…break dance tango? Where like, you spin on your head, but then you slap each other with a rose in your mouth?”

Maybe it’s not as funny to all of you as it was to me, but I find that to be one of the funniest mental images ever.

And now, in honor of Julia, I say this:

I’m going to go get in my Vinn Vinn car and go home. Neorm.

I FORGOT TO POST YESTERDAY!

I’m officially disqualifying myself from the NaBloPoMo. Oh well.

Yesterday was craziness . . . we have a huge RFP (Request for Proposal) for a large public company due next week and I’m in charge of collecting, organizing and distributing the answers and we were trying to get a rough draft together. I also had a bunch of random tasks from my old job pop up that only I could do . . . they were things that it would have taken YEARS longer to explain to Suzanne than it took me just to do it myself, so . . .yeah.

Also, there was a HUGE traffic jam on the freeway — it was an accident right at my exit, so it took me an hour and a half to get from my house to the exit a mile away from my actual exit. THEN, i apparently crossed over some line that I wasn’t supposed to in order to get in the exit lane and of course there was a cop there so of course I got my first Arizona ticket. $110 for crossing over a Gore Line and I don’t even know what that IS!

Needless to say, not the most fun day ever, but what can you do right? I signed up for this new crazy job and all the overtime that goes with it and I did cross the Gore line illegally, whether or not I knew it was illegal!

And this is the most boring post ever . . . but what can I say, every once in a while I have to have a boring day right!?!

Right.

Is This Thing On?

OK I’m working on transferring over my blog “The Murphs” to this MUCH more fun named blog. So be prepared world! I’m going to take the blogging world by storm!

If you want to see my older, brilliant posts (all of which will eventually be moved over to this new blog) you can visit the first edition at www.the-murphs.blogspot.com Unfortunately, I can’t figure out how to move the comments over, so some of the hilarity is going to be lost. It’s sad but I think I’ll be alright.

Welcome and hold on to your hats!!